Health & Wellness
Michelle Wulfestieg in
Newport Beach, CA
Michelle has suffered two strokes in her life from a rare vascular brain lesion, her first at the age of eleven. Her second stroke left her in a coma for eight days. Her doctors told her family she may never walk or talk again. Today, she is a motivational speaker, an author, and the Executive Director of the Southern California Hospice Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of terminally ill patients and their families. Her personal journey is beautifully written in her book, “All We Have Is Today.” I Admire U Michelle for not only living with your disabilities with a sense of purpose, but also for your dedication to hospice advocacy. You and your work impacts the lives of so many people.
Referred by: Sabrina Blackney
Michelle in her own words...
1. You have a fighting spirit. You’ve survived two strokes and all the therapy that followed. What was it like learning to walk again? How did you mentally and emotionally stay strong?
Learning how to walk again was incredibly difficult. Both of my legs would tingle uncontrollably every time I would try to stand. It felt like I was being stabbed with a million different needles. I have no idea why. Then of course my right leg and arm were terribly spastic. Meaning they would shake uncontrollably or stiffen up to the point that they wouldn’t move. Spasticity occurs in many brain damaged patients and there is really not that much you can do about it other than physical therapy. The first time I walked in a circle in my living room, it was like a victory lap, and I had the most enthusiastic team cheering me on – My husband, my best friend, Christy, and my physical therapist, Sabrina. Although I needed maximum assistance, it gave me the confidence to continue walking every day.
But even more challenging was getting my mind back. I didn’t know what letters were. I couldn’t count past ten. I had been physically disabled since I was twelve-years-old, so I wasn’t as concerned with walking as I was with my cognitive abilities. I used to be so smart, but after my second stroke, I felt like a toddler having to relearn how to do everything. That was so frustrating! Believe me, there were many times I felt I couldn’t go on, but deep down, I knew I had survived for a reason. I knew my purpose had not yet been fulfilled. Having that sense of knowing, that faith, kept me going.
2. You are still physically disabled in some ways. You have right side paralysis of your arm and leg, you walk with a limp supported by a leg brace, and you have limited mobility in your right hand. With these disabilities, what do you do to help manage daily tasks? How long did it take you to get to the physical strength you are at now?
Every morning, I greet the day! I just get up and do what I have to do with enthusiasm and purpose. Honestly, I don’t even see myself as disabled. Sometimes I will be walking and see that my shadow is limping, and it will actually startle me. I will think, “Wow! Is my limp really that pronounced?” Or someone will shoot a video of me walking, and again, I am surprised. I don’t see myself as physically disabled at all, although I clearly am. I have always just adapted. I type with one hand. I button my pants, wash my hair, and tie my shoes, all with one hand. Of course I can’t run a marathon, but I go for daily bike rides on my adult tricycle. I have a great life! My second stroke was nearly eight years ago and I still think I am improving every day.
Learning how to walk again was incredibly difficult. Both of my legs would tingle uncontrollably every time I would try to stand. It felt like I was being stabbed with a million different needles. I have no idea why. Then of course my right leg and arm were terribly spastic. Meaning they would shake uncontrollably or stiffen up to the point that they wouldn’t move. Spasticity occurs in many brain damaged patients and there is really not that much you can do about it other than physical therapy. The first time I walked in a circle in my living room, it was like a victory lap, and I had the most enthusiastic team cheering me on – My husband, my best friend, Christy, and my physical therapist, Sabrina. Although I needed maximum assistance, it gave me the confidence to continue walking every day.
But even more challenging was getting my mind back. I didn’t know what letters were. I couldn’t count past ten. I had been physically disabled since I was twelve-years-old, so I wasn’t as concerned with walking as I was with my cognitive abilities. I used to be so smart, but after my second stroke, I felt like a toddler having to relearn how to do everything. That was so frustrating! Believe me, there were many times I felt I couldn’t go on, but deep down, I knew I had survived for a reason. I knew my purpose had not yet been fulfilled. Having that sense of knowing, that faith, kept me going.
2. You are still physically disabled in some ways. You have right side paralysis of your arm and leg, you walk with a limp supported by a leg brace, and you have limited mobility in your right hand. With these disabilities, what do you do to help manage daily tasks? How long did it take you to get to the physical strength you are at now?
Every morning, I greet the day! I just get up and do what I have to do with enthusiasm and purpose. Honestly, I don’t even see myself as disabled. Sometimes I will be walking and see that my shadow is limping, and it will actually startle me. I will think, “Wow! Is my limp really that pronounced?” Or someone will shoot a video of me walking, and again, I am surprised. I don’t see myself as physically disabled at all, although I clearly am. I have always just adapted. I type with one hand. I button my pants, wash my hair, and tie my shoes, all with one hand. Of course I can’t run a marathon, but I go for daily bike rides on my adult tricycle. I have a great life! My second stroke was nearly eight years ago and I still think I am improving every day.
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3. Since the age of fourteen you have accepted that you have a limited life expectancy. After your first stroke you climbed the Great Wall of China, saw the Taj Mahal, and went on an African safari. How did you celebrate after surviving your coma from your second stroke? What is next on your list of things to do and see?
Every day is a celebration. I never miss an opportunity to throw a party and I love to laugh! I believe in throwing big birthday shindigs, because each year is a gift. I never let a positive opportunity pass me by. If God puts a dream on my heart, I go for it. All of us are given a limited amount of time, so why not make each moment count?
I really don’t have a bucket list of things I want to do and see, but rather I have a vision of who I want to become: A national advocate for the disabled and the dying. A New York Times bestselling author. A motivational speaker. A mother to an adopted child. An inspiration to those who feel like giving up.
4. You have overcome so many challenges. You share your personal journey in your book, “All We Have Is Today: A Story of Discovering Purpose.” What was it like to recall all your memories?
Recalling all my memories, putting it into words, and typing it with one hand and a damaged brain was a nearly five year project. It was also extremely emotional and therapeutic. When I first woke up from my coma, I couldn’t even write my name, let alone a sentence. But it was something I had to do. I knew I had a story that needed to be told and writing it was an act of obedience to God. It took hard work and I had to discipline myself to make writing a part of my daily routine.
I had no writing experience, so I began taking writing classes at local senior centers. Once I finished the manuscript, I had all my family and friends act as my proof readers. Then someone told me that I needed to find an agent to help me publish the book. That was a task in and of itself! Rejection after rejection was discouraging to say the least. But right when I was ready to give up, one agent said yes, and that was all I needed.
The book was published a year ago and is the winner of three national book awards, all GOLD medals! The best part is when people tell me that they could relate, that they couldn’t put it down, and that they didn’t want it to end. I’ve already begun my next book!
"The first time I walked in a circle in my living room, it was like a victory lap, and I had the most enthusiastic team cheering me on – My husband, my best friend, Christy, and my physical therapist, Sabrina."
5. It is so fascinating how you met your husband, Steven Wulfestieg, while taking a Death & Dying class and how that class led to your career in hospice. What about that class drove you to serve terminally ill patients and families?
There is a whole chapter about this in the book! So without giving it away, sometimes God puts huge directional signs in front of you that are so clear, you’d be crazy not to follow them. This is what that class did for me and it changed the trajectory of my entire life in the most beautiful way.
6. As the Executive Director of the Southern California Hospice Foundation, how does it feel to know your Angel Assistance program has helped grant the wishes of about 300 terminally ill patients a year?
It is the most amazing feeling in the world. I feel completely blessed and totally privileged to be helping people during the most delicate and sacred time of life. It’s the reason why God saved me.
7. What is one of the most memorable wishes you have ever granted?
There are so many! Of course fulfilling a wish for a patient to meet their favorite celebrity is always memorable, simply because it takes so much work, you don’t think it will happen, and then everything falls into place in the most perfect way.
There have been others who have wished to see the ocean one last time. To ride around a race track in a pace car going 120 MPH. To marry the love of their life. To visit a place that they have always wanted to see.
Each request is memorable because each comes from the heart, and many are fulfilled weeks, or even days before the patient passes away.
8. What nuggets of wisdom would you share with a woman who may be facing severe health conditions or a family member who is struggling with a terminally ill family member?
For those who are facing severe health conditions, attitude is everything. It’s okay to be angry. To Cry. To feel frustrated. But at the end of the day, you have to move forward. Become your own advocate. Ask the doctors and the healthcare providers lots of questions. Sometimes, you have to fight for the treatment that you feel is best. That’s okay because you are worth fighting for. Surround yourself with positive people, and don’t be afraid to ask for prayer. You will be amazed how God’s presence will surround you.
For those who are facing a terminal illness, know that hospice doesn’t mean you’ve given up hope. It’s just that the definition of hope has changed. You are no longer hoping for a cure. But hoping for comfort, closure and dignity with death. During this time, you will be given the opportunity to offer forgiveness. To ask for forgiveness. To say I love you. And finally, to say goodbye.
For those who are caring for a terminally ill loved one, one of the greatest gifts you can give is the gift of presence. If they want to talk, let them, even if it’s about things that make you uncomfortable. Hold their hand. Pray with them. Be patient with them. If they are angry, know that it’s not directed at you. They love you, they are just mad at their circumstances. End-of-life is an emotional time. But it also offers beautiful opportunities to create final memories, to laugh, to cry, and to make the most of each and every single day.
There are so many! Of course fulfilling a wish for a patient to meet their favorite celebrity is always memorable, simply because it takes so much work, you don’t think it will happen, and then everything falls into place in the most perfect way.
There have been others who have wished to see the ocean one last time. To ride around a race track in a pace car going 120 MPH. To marry the love of their life. To visit a place that they have always wanted to see.
Each request is memorable because each comes from the heart, and many are fulfilled weeks, or even days before the patient passes away.
8. What nuggets of wisdom would you share with a woman who may be facing severe health conditions or a family member who is struggling with a terminally ill family member?
For those who are facing severe health conditions, attitude is everything. It’s okay to be angry. To Cry. To feel frustrated. But at the end of the day, you have to move forward. Become your own advocate. Ask the doctors and the healthcare providers lots of questions. Sometimes, you have to fight for the treatment that you feel is best. That’s okay because you are worth fighting for. Surround yourself with positive people, and don’t be afraid to ask for prayer. You will be amazed how God’s presence will surround you.
For those who are facing a terminal illness, know that hospice doesn’t mean you’ve given up hope. It’s just that the definition of hope has changed. You are no longer hoping for a cure. But hoping for comfort, closure and dignity with death. During this time, you will be given the opportunity to offer forgiveness. To ask for forgiveness. To say I love you. And finally, to say goodbye.
For those who are caring for a terminally ill loved one, one of the greatest gifts you can give is the gift of presence. If they want to talk, let them, even if it’s about things that make you uncomfortable. Hold their hand. Pray with them. Be patient with them. If they are angry, know that it’s not directed at you. They love you, they are just mad at their circumstances. End-of-life is an emotional time. But it also offers beautiful opportunities to create final memories, to laugh, to cry, and to make the most of each and every single day.
"Every morning, I greet the day! I just get up and do what I have to do with enthusiasm and purpose. Honestly, I don’t even see myself as disabled. Sometimes I will be walking and see that my shadow is limping, and it will actually startle me."
9. Outside of being in the process of launching the Hospice Foundation of Arizona, based in Mesa, AZ, I’m curious what’s next for you?
My husband and I are in the process of adopting a little girl. The doctors felt it would be medically unsafe for me to have my own, so we started the process back in 2011 through the county. We have been waiting a long time. We don’t know what age we will get so we have a crib, a changing table and a twin size bed. We are very faithful and trust that the right child will come along at the right time.
Sometimes I just go in her room and pray for her. I pray that she will be brave and have the confidence to believe in herself no matter what. That she will have countless opportunities to make a difference and that she will. I pray for her success and that she will learn for her failures. I pray for us as a family and for Steven and I as parents. That we will teach her how to be caring and kind. How to have discipline and patience, persistence and commitment. I want her to become everything she was created to be. I feel privileged and blessed to raise a child that grew in my heart, not in my womb, and I have come to realize that this was always a part of God’s plan.
10. I Admire U, who do you admire?
Simply put, I admire anyone who takes the time to help others. Whether it is a school teacher, the businessman who volunteers at a soup kitchen, or the young adult who just joined the Peace Corps, you have given a piece of yourself for the betterment of our world, and I can’t thank you enough.
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