Family & Relationships
Anne-Michelle Ellis
in Perris, CA
Anne-Michelle has many interesting layers. She is a surrogate mother, a recovering addict and alcoholic, and she fights against the sex trafficking of children. In eight years she has given birth to five children; two as a mom, three as a surrogate mother and two of them were twins. Her selflessness has helped two families’ dreams come true. Their lives have forever been changed by the kindness, empathy, and sacrifices of Anne-Michelle. Her empathy extends to her career as the Coordinator for the San Bernardino County Coalition Against Sexual Exploitation, where she oversees a team who works with young people who have been trafficked and she helps raise awareness nationwide. I Admire U Anne-Michelle for the powerful actions you take to impact other families, and for being an incredibly strong role model for your two kids.
Mom Stats: Two daughters: 7-year-old and 9-year-old; Married for 10 years
Referred By: Heather Thomas
Mom Stats: Two daughters: 7-year-old and 9-year-old; Married for 10 years
Referred By: Heather Thomas
Anne-Michelle in her own words...
1. You are a recovering addict and alcoholic, an advocate for raising awareness on human trafficking, a surrogate mother, and an advocate for issues concerning runaway, homeless, and at risk youth. If I called you super-human, would you agree? Where does your drive to help others derive from?
Oh wow, thank you for that! It’s quite the compliment but I wouldn’t exactly agree with “super-human.” To be honest, I’m not sure exactly where that drive comes from. I feel like, from an early age, I had this desire to resolve conflict, to show kindness and that, in the end, all that matters is LOVE. I’m sure it has to do a lot with how I was raised. I have some pretty awesome parents! It may sound strange but there’s a little bit of selfishness in there too. Have you ever helped someone? It’s such a gratifying feeling. I get something out of it too.
2. Your sister-in-law inspired you to be a surrogate mother. What about her journey motivated you to seek an agency? What was the process like working with an agency?
I’m not sure if there was anything specific about her journey in particular. I think it’s something I wanted to do long before I even had my own children. I’ve just always been fascinated by the amazing power of the female body (no offense to the men out there, the male body is pretty awesome too!). Just this potential to create human life. The complexity of that task. It’s really amazing when you think about it. Then, once I had my own children, and I had relatively easy pregnancies, I thought, “Well why not?” Seeing my sister-in-law go through it just reaffirmed in my mind it was something I wanted to do.
The choice to work with an agency was simple because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Although my past addiction would typically disqualify me, I was grateful; the Intended Parents and I came to an agreement before proceeding. You’d be surprised at all the people who are involved in making a surrogacy successful! There are lawyers and case managers, doctors and nurses, laboratories….a whole TEAM of people that I never would have been able to coordinate all on my own. I felt like the best choice for me was to work with an agency who could guide me on that path. The folks at The Surrogacy Source in Orange County, California are the best!!
Oh wow, thank you for that! It’s quite the compliment but I wouldn’t exactly agree with “super-human.” To be honest, I’m not sure exactly where that drive comes from. I feel like, from an early age, I had this desire to resolve conflict, to show kindness and that, in the end, all that matters is LOVE. I’m sure it has to do a lot with how I was raised. I have some pretty awesome parents! It may sound strange but there’s a little bit of selfishness in there too. Have you ever helped someone? It’s such a gratifying feeling. I get something out of it too.
2. Your sister-in-law inspired you to be a surrogate mother. What about her journey motivated you to seek an agency? What was the process like working with an agency?
I’m not sure if there was anything specific about her journey in particular. I think it’s something I wanted to do long before I even had my own children. I’ve just always been fascinated by the amazing power of the female body (no offense to the men out there, the male body is pretty awesome too!). Just this potential to create human life. The complexity of that task. It’s really amazing when you think about it. Then, once I had my own children, and I had relatively easy pregnancies, I thought, “Well why not?” Seeing my sister-in-law go through it just reaffirmed in my mind it was something I wanted to do.
The choice to work with an agency was simple because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Although my past addiction would typically disqualify me, I was grateful; the Intended Parents and I came to an agreement before proceeding. You’d be surprised at all the people who are involved in making a surrogacy successful! There are lawyers and case managers, doctors and nurses, laboratories….a whole TEAM of people that I never would have been able to coordinate all on my own. I felt like the best choice for me was to work with an agency who could guide me on that path. The folks at The Surrogacy Source in Orange County, California are the best!!
Keep the celebration of everyday women ALIVE,
LIKE I Admire U on:
3. After already given birth to your own two kids, what were your surrogate pregnancies like?
My first time as a surrogate, it was a rough road. Definitely not what I’d had in mind when I agreed to do it. We were matched pretty quickly with a couple but they were hoping to use her eggs. We tried one round of IVF that way, but disappointingly, she wasn’t able to produce any healthy eggs. We took about 6 months off while they thought about using an egg donor, which they finally decided to do. That, in itself, was a pretty lengthy process. Can you imagine having the responsibility of choosing half your child’s genetics? Once they had found a donor, we went through two failed rounds of IVF. Then, on the third try, it worked!! My pregnancy was completely uncomplicated but when it came time to deliver, it happened very quickly. I barely had time to get to the hospital and no time for anesthesia. In hindsight, it was a good thing because I’d had a pretty significant placental abruption which could have caused major blood loss if I had labored any longer.
The second time I was a surrogate, we were matched with a couple from another country. For their own privacy, I won’t name which one. Where they’re from, surrogacy is practically illegal and very much frowned upon. We got pregnant with the first round of IVF and knew pretty early on it was twins. They’d only transferred two embryos and knew one was a boy and one was a girl after doing genetic testing on them. Though I knew getting pregnant with multiples was a possibility, it was still quite the shock to see two little peanuts on that first ultrasound!
My pregnancy with the twins was pretty uneventful but carrying two babies is an entirely different experience, that’s for sure! I delivered at 38 weeks after laboring about 10 hours. I was so relieved that I didn’t have to have a c-section. It was my biggest fear as soon as I found out that I was pregnant with twins.
4. You are amazing! Even with your first surrogate pregnancy being tough, you decided to do it a second time. What about the first time drove you to do it again?
Honestly? It was the look in the parents’ eyes that day when we were all in the delivery room. The way they looked at that child and the looks we exchanged. There really aren’t any words to describe that feeling. It was exhilarating to know that I had made their dream come true after such a long, long road of heartache for them. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. It’s this amazing connection I’ll have with that family and the family of the twins for the rest of my life, regardless of where life takes us and regardless of whether we’re in touch. It’s pretty amazing!
My first time as a surrogate, it was a rough road. Definitely not what I’d had in mind when I agreed to do it. We were matched pretty quickly with a couple but they were hoping to use her eggs. We tried one round of IVF that way, but disappointingly, she wasn’t able to produce any healthy eggs. We took about 6 months off while they thought about using an egg donor, which they finally decided to do. That, in itself, was a pretty lengthy process. Can you imagine having the responsibility of choosing half your child’s genetics? Once they had found a donor, we went through two failed rounds of IVF. Then, on the third try, it worked!! My pregnancy was completely uncomplicated but when it came time to deliver, it happened very quickly. I barely had time to get to the hospital and no time for anesthesia. In hindsight, it was a good thing because I’d had a pretty significant placental abruption which could have caused major blood loss if I had labored any longer.
The second time I was a surrogate, we were matched with a couple from another country. For their own privacy, I won’t name which one. Where they’re from, surrogacy is practically illegal and very much frowned upon. We got pregnant with the first round of IVF and knew pretty early on it was twins. They’d only transferred two embryos and knew one was a boy and one was a girl after doing genetic testing on them. Though I knew getting pregnant with multiples was a possibility, it was still quite the shock to see two little peanuts on that first ultrasound!
My pregnancy with the twins was pretty uneventful but carrying two babies is an entirely different experience, that’s for sure! I delivered at 38 weeks after laboring about 10 hours. I was so relieved that I didn’t have to have a c-section. It was my biggest fear as soon as I found out that I was pregnant with twins.
4. You are amazing! Even with your first surrogate pregnancy being tough, you decided to do it a second time. What about the first time drove you to do it again?
Honestly? It was the look in the parents’ eyes that day when we were all in the delivery room. The way they looked at that child and the looks we exchanged. There really aren’t any words to describe that feeling. It was exhilarating to know that I had made their dream come true after such a long, long road of heartache for them. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. It’s this amazing connection I’ll have with that family and the family of the twins for the rest of my life, regardless of where life takes us and regardless of whether we’re in touch. It’s pretty amazing!
"Though I knew getting pregnant with multiples was a possibility, it was still quite the shock to see two little peanuts on that first ultrasound!"
5. How did you mentally and physically balance your career with the San Bernardino County Coalition Against Sexual Exploitation, motherhood, and surrogacy?
Whew. Balance. There’s a word!
Not sure I’ve completely figured that one out, to be honest. I try, as much as possible, to stay in the present moment. When I’m at work, I work. When I’m home, I’m present with my kids. But there sure are times I wish I could be home with them all day. And, well, there are days that I’m home that I can’t wait until Monday rolls around so I can get back to work! I’d say I’m a pretty lucky woman! But I’m also a TIRED woman. Some days, I look at the day ahead and realize I’ll be gone from home for 12 or 13 hours and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do it. But I try my best not to get overwhelmed and try not to tackle the whole day at once. I break it down into more doable parts. “What can I do right now?” Well, most of the time, that’s get in the shower and get dressed. “Hey, I can do that!” Then it’s the next step, and the next step, and the next...before I know it, I’m back home and getting ready for bed.
6. You have changed the lives of two families forever. What does that feel like? What was it like to carry three beautiful lives, and then hand them over?
Like I said above, it really is beyond words. To know that you’ve forever changed the course of someone’s life. That you’ve brought their dream of having a family to life, literally!!! It’s the most amazing feeling in the world! I get asked a lot if it was difficult to “give the babies up” but I don’t really see it that way. How can you give something up that was never yours to begin with? Do I care deeply about these little humans I’ve helped create? Absolutely! But it’s nothing like having your own children. The best way I can describe it is more like being an aunt or grandparent. You care deeply but have none of the pressure to be responsible for how this little human turns out. Not everyone can do it. I’m so grateful that I have the capacity to have been able to walk that line.
Whew. Balance. There’s a word!
Not sure I’ve completely figured that one out, to be honest. I try, as much as possible, to stay in the present moment. When I’m at work, I work. When I’m home, I’m present with my kids. But there sure are times I wish I could be home with them all day. And, well, there are days that I’m home that I can’t wait until Monday rolls around so I can get back to work! I’d say I’m a pretty lucky woman! But I’m also a TIRED woman. Some days, I look at the day ahead and realize I’ll be gone from home for 12 or 13 hours and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do it. But I try my best not to get overwhelmed and try not to tackle the whole day at once. I break it down into more doable parts. “What can I do right now?” Well, most of the time, that’s get in the shower and get dressed. “Hey, I can do that!” Then it’s the next step, and the next step, and the next...before I know it, I’m back home and getting ready for bed.
6. You have changed the lives of two families forever. What does that feel like? What was it like to carry three beautiful lives, and then hand them over?
Like I said above, it really is beyond words. To know that you’ve forever changed the course of someone’s life. That you’ve brought their dream of having a family to life, literally!!! It’s the most amazing feeling in the world! I get asked a lot if it was difficult to “give the babies up” but I don’t really see it that way. How can you give something up that was never yours to begin with? Do I care deeply about these little humans I’ve helped create? Absolutely! But it’s nothing like having your own children. The best way I can describe it is more like being an aunt or grandparent. You care deeply but have none of the pressure to be responsible for how this little human turns out. Not everyone can do it. I’m so grateful that I have the capacity to have been able to walk that line.
7. What nuggets of wisdom would you share with a woman interested in becoming a surrogate? Any tips on choosing an agency?
Do your homework!! Talk to women who’ve been through it. Join an online discussion group. Make sure you understand completely what you’re signing up for and be very clear about what you will and won’t do. Don’t agree to things just to be nice. I did that a bit the first time around when I agreed to pump my breastmilk for six months after the baby was born. Six months!! Six months of pumping 5 times a day, keeping it refrigerated and then packaging it in GLASS bottles (because the parents were super concerned about the chemicals in plastic), bubble wrapping each one and packing it in a camping cooler with dry ice so it could be shipped overnight!! If I’d had ANY idea what I was getting myself into, I never would have agreed to that part. But, once I was doing it, I didn’t want to disappoint the parents and stop before the six months.
Go with an established agency. If you can find one with case managers who’ve been surrogates themselves, even better. I’m a pretty open book when it comes to my surrogacy experiences so I’m also happy to answer any questions someone might have.
8. Outside of being a surrogate mother, you are very passionate about “erasing the stigma attached to mental illness.” What do you hope to see change?
Man, this is a topic I could go on and on about. I think we’ve all been affected by mental illness to some degree. I know it runs pretty strong in my family. I think we’ve gotten better about how we see and how we treat those struggling with mental illness but it could be so much better. It’s the difference between celebrating those who are living with cancer and those living with mental illness. We talk about cancer now, and not in hushed voices. But mental illness? It’s still this taboo subject. Even though it affects so many of us. I’d like to see the shame taken out of it the same way it’s been taken out of cancer. If you have cancer (or any other life threatening condition) you don’t think twice about seeking treatment, you just go see a doctor. But if you’re struggling with mental illness, you’re likely to hesitate, “What will my family think? Will I lose my job? Will my husband not want me anymore?” It’s terrible. My grandfather took his own life when I was 19, my other grandfather and my dad struggled with alcoholism. I can’t help but think about how different things could have been for them if treatment had been readily available and they’d had no shame in seeking it.
"To know that you've forever changed the course of someone's life. That you've brought their dream of having a family to life, literally! It's the most amazing feeling in the world!"
9. Other than applying to graduate school for Social Work; I’m very curious, what’s next for you?
Well, grad school is definitely at the forefront right now. But I’d really love to do some traveling, too. I can’t think of a better use of money, really. I’d love to see Japan and the Philippines. I’ve also recently gotten into weight lifting which is SUCH an empowering thing as a woman. To be able to walk into a gym and into the free weight (AKA “testosterone alley”) section feels so good. It’s also empowering to accept my body for how it looks (after creating 5 lives) and appreciate its strength. I’ll tell you, exercising has never been my thing, but weightlifting has become an addiction and I’m excited about continuing to explore this part of me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll sign up for a competition at some point! Ha!
10. I Admire U, who do you admire?
First and foremost, my MOM! She’s my role model and one of my best friends. She’s taught me so much about life but she’s also taught me that even parents make mistakes and have regrets about how they’ve parented. It doesn’t make us bad parents, it makes us human. She’s an amazing human being not in spite of her flaws but BECAUSE of them. I am who I am today BECAUSE of her.
I also admire my sister/friend Sonya Edelman. I say “sister/friend” because we’ve been friends since second grade and at this point, she’s really more like family than just a best friend. She’s so smart. Seriously, she thinks amazing things at warp speed. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping up. But more than anything, she just GETS me. Have you ever known anyone like that? I don’t have to explain anything to her. She just understands. She flew all the way from Washington D.C. just to sit with me after my dad died. She’s THAT kind of friend.
My friend Deborah Donnelly. She’s another one of my role models. She’s overcome so much in her life including leaving violence-filled Belfast, Ireland. She’s the type of friend who I can tell absolutely ANYTHING and I know she’s going to have some wise words for me in return. She’s one of the most loving people I know and has the BEST sense of humor.
Well, grad school is definitely at the forefront right now. But I’d really love to do some traveling, too. I can’t think of a better use of money, really. I’d love to see Japan and the Philippines. I’ve also recently gotten into weight lifting which is SUCH an empowering thing as a woman. To be able to walk into a gym and into the free weight (AKA “testosterone alley”) section feels so good. It’s also empowering to accept my body for how it looks (after creating 5 lives) and appreciate its strength. I’ll tell you, exercising has never been my thing, but weightlifting has become an addiction and I’m excited about continuing to explore this part of me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll sign up for a competition at some point! Ha!
10. I Admire U, who do you admire?
First and foremost, my MOM! She’s my role model and one of my best friends. She’s taught me so much about life but she’s also taught me that even parents make mistakes and have regrets about how they’ve parented. It doesn’t make us bad parents, it makes us human. She’s an amazing human being not in spite of her flaws but BECAUSE of them. I am who I am today BECAUSE of her.
I also admire my sister/friend Sonya Edelman. I say “sister/friend” because we’ve been friends since second grade and at this point, she’s really more like family than just a best friend. She’s so smart. Seriously, she thinks amazing things at warp speed. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping up. But more than anything, she just GETS me. Have you ever known anyone like that? I don’t have to explain anything to her. She just understands. She flew all the way from Washington D.C. just to sit with me after my dad died. She’s THAT kind of friend.
My friend Deborah Donnelly. She’s another one of my role models. She’s overcome so much in her life including leaving violence-filled Belfast, Ireland. She’s the type of friend who I can tell absolutely ANYTHING and I know she’s going to have some wise words for me in return. She’s one of the most loving people I know and has the BEST sense of humor.
RSS Feed