Family & Relationships
Marta Berry
in Tucson, AZ
After twenty years of marriage, Marta’s dreams have been redefined. Within a year and ten months, her two teenage daughters, lost their grandpa, followed by their grandma less than a year later, and lastly, their dad past ten months after. Eight days before Christmas, Marta lost her husband, her love of her life, and the provider of their family. Larry Berry was a well-respected Mining Engineer with Mintec, Inc. Three years later, Marta is still adapting to a new way of life, as a single parent working full-time after being a stay-at-home mom for fifteen years. As she puts her eldest, Megan, through college, and helps her youngest, Melissa, cope with the change; with her family and friends by her side, Marta is thriving. All three of the Berry girls are redefining their dreams. I Admire U Marta, you are raising two intelligent and independent young adults, while working on your own personal growth.
Marta in her own words...
1. Larry worked as a Mining Engineer for Mintec, Inc for twenty-one years, and afterwards Mintec, Inc offered you a full-time job with healthcare benefits. How did this kindness help your healing?
I was operating on “automatic” for the first 6 months doing what I had to do, not what I wanted to do. I wanted my “old life” – my perfect home-maker/volunteer and part-time work position and wonderful loving, generous husband who provided for our family. The guilt I felt from being away from my kids for 9 hours a day was horrible. I am extremely grateful to Mintec, Inc. for the generosity shown to me. The employees of Mintec all welcomed me and were very supportive of me, and patient with my progress in a new environment. I don’t know where we would be if it wasn’t for Mintec offering me a full-time job.
2. After being a stay-at-home mom for fifteen years, then working part-time for a non-profit organization, you were faced with being the sole provider. What part about working full-time would you say is an enjoyable surprise?
As scary and daunting as it sounds to be the sole provider, I am grateful for Larry’s future planning and the frugal lifestyle we led. I can honestly say that I am surprised at my feelings of joy in going to work now. I am part of a team of accountants, of which I am not, and they all have worked with me helping me to learn the specifics of my job.
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3. Larry past away four days before Christmas, a time of the year sewn with traditions. Are there any family traditions that you and your family have kept alive in honor of Larry?
Each August, Larry always hosted a birthday BBQ for my twin, Marla, and my birthday. We have continued this tradition with the help of my brothers with the grilling of the food and making it more of a pot luck now.
4. To move forward, you have provided the girls with something to look forward to throughout the year. Where is the next family trip going to be?
We haven’t planned our next extended family trip; however, the girls and I just returned from a trip to Oceanside, CA. We had a nice visit with another nephew in the Marines and his wife as well as going to the beach, the San Diego zoo, a street fair, and a couple of really cool restaurants. Having family around on trips and other occasions has been my therapy; surrounding us with those who we love and love us back and they are already familiar with what we are going through. These driving trips have also helped my self-esteem with driving on the freeway. Larry used to do all the driving, so I was kind of unsure of driving on the freeway until now.
"I started walking in the evening when it was cooler outside and now I wake up at 5:30 a.m. to exercise before work. This helps me to feel stronger and more in charge of my life."
5. In addition to amplified driving skills, what arsenal of new tricks, talents, and skills have you gained since transitioning to a single parent?
Time management would be the newest skill - that and prioritizing my duties. I do cheat and we eat junk food more often, but I try to cook dinner several times a week. This requires more planning and quick solutions, rather than the leisurely dinner making experience from yesteryear. My weekends are spent on washing laundry, grocery shopping, yardwork/pool maintenance and cleaning up the house. UGH..Weight gain! I gained weight too and now time management is even more important. I started walking in the evening when it was cooler outside and now I wake up at 5:30 a.m. to exercise before work. This helps me to feel stronger and more in charge of my life.
6. Your eldest daughter, Megan, is rocking out college, and is on her way to finishing with a double major. With everything she has endured, what are you the most proud of?
All of the above. Megan has not lost sight of her goals. Megan was fortunate enough to spend time with her father one on one as she was learning to drive. This was not always a pleasant experience but it gave them time to develop a great relationship. She will take that with her and use those memories to guide her through life.
Time management would be the newest skill - that and prioritizing my duties. I do cheat and we eat junk food more often, but I try to cook dinner several times a week. This requires more planning and quick solutions, rather than the leisurely dinner making experience from yesteryear. My weekends are spent on washing laundry, grocery shopping, yardwork/pool maintenance and cleaning up the house. UGH..Weight gain! I gained weight too and now time management is even more important. I started walking in the evening when it was cooler outside and now I wake up at 5:30 a.m. to exercise before work. This helps me to feel stronger and more in charge of my life.
6. Your eldest daughter, Megan, is rocking out college, and is on her way to finishing with a double major. With everything she has endured, what are you the most proud of?
All of the above. Megan has not lost sight of her goals. Megan was fortunate enough to spend time with her father one on one as she was learning to drive. This was not always a pleasant experience but it gave them time to develop a great relationship. She will take that with her and use those memories to guide her through life.
"These driving trips have also helped my self-esteem with driving on the freeway. Larry used to do all the driving, so I was kind of unsure of driving on the freeway until now."
7. Talking about Larry is not a taboo topic in your home, in what ways do you think this has helped you and Melissa move forward?
Sharing our thoughts and memories of Larry remind us of the happier times when he was alive. For the first year or so, we all were learning what to do and how to handle our new life, there was a lot of changes. Melissa endured losing her grandfather a year prior, her grandmother,11 months prior, and then her father. Initially, her friends were around and the familiarity of her 8th grade year was there. Then her sister left to go to college, and I was working all day, so after a new year in high school and riding the public bus home (1 mile walk in the heat to bus stop and then home from bus stop) she came home to an empty house (except Jake - our dog of course) hungry, hot, and tired. It was rough; this past year has been the hardest. Melissa’s coping mechanism was to blame me and I let her, if that was what she needed to move on. I am hopeful this year will be better.
8. I’m curious, who do you admire?
My mom. My mom was a nurse and my father was a mail man. She put her career on hold to stay home and raise 7 children - they planned on 5, until my twin and I surprised them with our appearance. My mom went back to work when my sister and I started school. We never lacked for anything and always felt loved. We learned to be frugal and developed a strong sense of responsibility. It wasn’t an easy life for my parents. There was plenty of late nights, interactions with the police, accounting for 7 kids & their friends, as well as family vacations; camping, nights out to dinner, and day trips to Mt. Lemon and Sabino Canyon for picnics, exercise, or an early breakfast. My father had arthritis in his back and had a rounded spine (kind of like a hunch back), so getting around wasn’t easy, but he was a part of every activity. My mom became a widow at 63. She pursued their dream of traveling and went on several tours in Europe. At 70, she went up in a hot air balloon - something she always wanted to try. My mom is amazing and continues to be adventurous with her life. She is now 86, and visiting my sister & family who live in Virginia and have an Alpaca farm. My mom grew up on a farm and loves to reminisce and be in that environment. I love and admire my mom for the way she persevered in her life even though she was robbed of their retirement time together.
Sharing our thoughts and memories of Larry remind us of the happier times when he was alive. For the first year or so, we all were learning what to do and how to handle our new life, there was a lot of changes. Melissa endured losing her grandfather a year prior, her grandmother,11 months prior, and then her father. Initially, her friends were around and the familiarity of her 8th grade year was there. Then her sister left to go to college, and I was working all day, so after a new year in high school and riding the public bus home (1 mile walk in the heat to bus stop and then home from bus stop) she came home to an empty house (except Jake - our dog of course) hungry, hot, and tired. It was rough; this past year has been the hardest. Melissa’s coping mechanism was to blame me and I let her, if that was what she needed to move on. I am hopeful this year will be better.
8. I’m curious, who do you admire?
My mom. My mom was a nurse and my father was a mail man. She put her career on hold to stay home and raise 7 children - they planned on 5, until my twin and I surprised them with our appearance. My mom went back to work when my sister and I started school. We never lacked for anything and always felt loved. We learned to be frugal and developed a strong sense of responsibility. It wasn’t an easy life for my parents. There was plenty of late nights, interactions with the police, accounting for 7 kids & their friends, as well as family vacations; camping, nights out to dinner, and day trips to Mt. Lemon and Sabino Canyon for picnics, exercise, or an early breakfast. My father had arthritis in his back and had a rounded spine (kind of like a hunch back), so getting around wasn’t easy, but he was a part of every activity. My mom became a widow at 63. She pursued their dream of traveling and went on several tours in Europe. At 70, she went up in a hot air balloon - something she always wanted to try. My mom is amazing and continues to be adventurous with her life. She is now 86, and visiting my sister & family who live in Virginia and have an Alpaca farm. My mom grew up on a farm and loves to reminisce and be in that environment. I love and admire my mom for the way she persevered in her life even though she was robbed of their retirement time together.
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