Maude Reilly
in Reno, Nevada
A Mom Coping with Deployment with Laughter and Love
Maude is bold, beautiful, and brave. Brave like her husband, who serves our country as a Naval Pilot and Commander for the U.S. Navy. Maude is the master of change! She navigates the twists and turns of constant relocating and his current deployment with a hysterical sense of humor, refreshing honesty, and the strength of a Spartan. Maude, I Admire U for the sacrifices your family makes, and for raising Eloise, 4, Grant, 2, and two dogs, all with a humble heart and a fierce sense of self.
Maude in her own words...
1. So far from your experience Maude, what nugget of advice or encouraging words would you share to a fellow military spouse who is facing deployment for the first time?
Stay healthy. Things go from difficult to impossible when I’ve had little sleep, aren’t eating right, don’t exercise and drink too much wine. So rest up and keep your body and mind healthy in order to avoid spiraling downward into an emotional psychosis.
2. Many people celebrate your strength, courage, and sacrifice, and say you are “strong” for balancing parenting and deployment, would you agree?
Being a military wife requires quite a bit of independence and internal calm. Nothing in military life is constant. Dates change, orders change, and you have to be able to be okay with it, and truly be happy with it, or else you won’t thrive as you deserve to thrive. The wives of many, if not all, Navy pilots are type A personalities. They are strong, intelligent women who fell in love with men who can’t always be there for them. This military spouse life is challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding knowing that I am contributing to something bigger than myself. Even if it is just making sure my husband’s flight suit is clean for his next training session.
3. You are truly amazing! You have no nanny, no family nearby, and you have gone from dual parenting to being a single parent. What has surprised you the most about how you and the kids are coping with all the changes? What is your happy retreat on tougher days?
The biggest surprise is how well we are doing! Seriously. Trying to wrap my head around him being gone for the better part of a year was like trying to herd kittens or practicing bleeding. Impossible. The tough days still creep in, but coping with them gets easier. Stretching and deep breathing while locked away in my bedroom for 3 minutes is a great recharge. I may have 2 toddlers and 2 dogs banging on the door, but 3 minutes of personal space are heaven!
"The wives of many, if not all, Navy pilots are type A personalities. They are strong, intelligent women who fell in love with men who can’t always be there for them."
4. Deployment is heartbreaking for kids. Eloise and Grant really miss him. What has worked to help them adjust to not seeing him everyday and for holidays?
My daily life turned into an improv show! Each day became about how to mix things up in the hours of the early evening, in order to distract Eloise and Grant. Even the dogs would sit by the window at the same time everyday, waiting. Daddy always walked in the door in the early evening. Without him coming home every night I had to get creative. Our family routine had to be rewritten. I bought a dozen board games, built a lot of forts in the living room, put on plays, went out to dinner a bit more, and never stopped moving until the kids were settled into a new routine without their daddy. By the time the holidays rolled around, the kids fully grasped that daddy wasn't coming home soon. Due to Eloise and Grant being so young, their expectations for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any holiday, aren't set in stone. However, Eloise did occasionally say, "Next year daddy will he home, right mommy?"
5. You have the most incredible support from the oh so fabulous Officer Spouses Group, who are eighteen fellow military spouses. How has this special connection helped you during his deployment?
Understanding. My fellow Officer wives are the few who understand what I’m going through. They relate to the difficult days and can laugh with me on the days my emotional psychosis kicks in.
6. Your family has moved three times in five years, and will continue to move every three years with each set of his orders. With the constant moving, and the short advance notice, how do you wrap your head around the constant change? How do you make each move feel like home for the kids?
I like constant change. Even before I met him, I bounced around the country living in 6 different states in 11 years. So moving isn’t something that is difficult for me to process. The first rooms to get unpacked after we move are the kitchen and the kids’ bedrooms. As long as I can cook family meals and the children have their rooms organized with all their toys, then life is good.
7. With the moving and the deployment, how do you manage to stay connected to family and friends? What role have they played for you and your family during this transitional time?
I don’t. (laughing) Life is a well oiled machine these days! It’s either pick up the pile of sand my 2 year old just trucked in from outside or call my best friend. Get some solid face time with my 4 year old or check Facebook. I’ve got 5 minute increments before something or someone is demanding my attention. Did I mention we have 2 dogs? (still laughing) However, when I do get a chance to see or talk with family and friends, they are excellent sounding boards! They are instrumental in helping me stay positive. Sometimes I just need to vent!
"This military spouse life is challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding knowing that I am contributing to something bigger than myself."
8. Recently, you became a part-time Independent Counselor for Rodan + Fields, a popular skincare line. What motivated you to take on this challenge once he deployed? How do you even find time?
Well, I guess I didn't see becoming a consultant as a challenge initially, hence me taking it on at such a busy time in my life. The evolution of my journey changed from me wanting to kick my own butt, and then wanting to high-five myself. Rodan + Fields is such an expansive company with an excellent support group of people around every corner. Joining the R+F team meant a chance for me to be social with adults on a subject that I love talking about, skin! No brainer, right?! (Giggling) Well, my theoretical concept of rocking my new Rodan + Fields business slowly fizzled once the practicality of my new life sunk in. This was the moment I wanted to kick my butt. I'm down a man, literally. All duties are on me; baths, books, bed, tears, sick days, sick nights, dishes, spider kills, dog chores. All these things absorbed nearly every minute of my day. However, the best part about direct sales is that I work when I want (can). It only takes one drop of water after another to fill up a cup. Even though I can't flow at the pace I think would be ideal, I've still managed to build a great base for my business and made some awesome friends with Rodan + Fields. This is where I high-five myself!
9. I’m curious, what’s next? Hot date planned when he gets back?
Hot date times 10! The best part about his return will be getting to know each other again. Who wouldn’t love a second first date with their husband?! A family vacation is definitely on the calendar as well.
10. I admire you, who do you admire?
Kayla Atchley-Waldie
Stay healthy. Things go from difficult to impossible when I’ve had little sleep, aren’t eating right, don’t exercise and drink too much wine. So rest up and keep your body and mind healthy in order to avoid spiraling downward into an emotional psychosis.
2. Many people celebrate your strength, courage, and sacrifice, and say you are “strong” for balancing parenting and deployment, would you agree?
Being a military wife requires quite a bit of independence and internal calm. Nothing in military life is constant. Dates change, orders change, and you have to be able to be okay with it, and truly be happy with it, or else you won’t thrive as you deserve to thrive. The wives of many, if not all, Navy pilots are type A personalities. They are strong, intelligent women who fell in love with men who can’t always be there for them. This military spouse life is challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding knowing that I am contributing to something bigger than myself. Even if it is just making sure my husband’s flight suit is clean for his next training session.
3. You are truly amazing! You have no nanny, no family nearby, and you have gone from dual parenting to being a single parent. What has surprised you the most about how you and the kids are coping with all the changes? What is your happy retreat on tougher days?
The biggest surprise is how well we are doing! Seriously. Trying to wrap my head around him being gone for the better part of a year was like trying to herd kittens or practicing bleeding. Impossible. The tough days still creep in, but coping with them gets easier. Stretching and deep breathing while locked away in my bedroom for 3 minutes is a great recharge. I may have 2 toddlers and 2 dogs banging on the door, but 3 minutes of personal space are heaven!
"The wives of many, if not all, Navy pilots are type A personalities. They are strong, intelligent women who fell in love with men who can’t always be there for them."
4. Deployment is heartbreaking for kids. Eloise and Grant really miss him. What has worked to help them adjust to not seeing him everyday and for holidays?
My daily life turned into an improv show! Each day became about how to mix things up in the hours of the early evening, in order to distract Eloise and Grant. Even the dogs would sit by the window at the same time everyday, waiting. Daddy always walked in the door in the early evening. Without him coming home every night I had to get creative. Our family routine had to be rewritten. I bought a dozen board games, built a lot of forts in the living room, put on plays, went out to dinner a bit more, and never stopped moving until the kids were settled into a new routine without their daddy. By the time the holidays rolled around, the kids fully grasped that daddy wasn't coming home soon. Due to Eloise and Grant being so young, their expectations for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any holiday, aren't set in stone. However, Eloise did occasionally say, "Next year daddy will he home, right mommy?"
5. You have the most incredible support from the oh so fabulous Officer Spouses Group, who are eighteen fellow military spouses. How has this special connection helped you during his deployment?
Understanding. My fellow Officer wives are the few who understand what I’m going through. They relate to the difficult days and can laugh with me on the days my emotional psychosis kicks in.
6. Your family has moved three times in five years, and will continue to move every three years with each set of his orders. With the constant moving, and the short advance notice, how do you wrap your head around the constant change? How do you make each move feel like home for the kids?
I like constant change. Even before I met him, I bounced around the country living in 6 different states in 11 years. So moving isn’t something that is difficult for me to process. The first rooms to get unpacked after we move are the kitchen and the kids’ bedrooms. As long as I can cook family meals and the children have their rooms organized with all their toys, then life is good.
7. With the moving and the deployment, how do you manage to stay connected to family and friends? What role have they played for you and your family during this transitional time?
I don’t. (laughing) Life is a well oiled machine these days! It’s either pick up the pile of sand my 2 year old just trucked in from outside or call my best friend. Get some solid face time with my 4 year old or check Facebook. I’ve got 5 minute increments before something or someone is demanding my attention. Did I mention we have 2 dogs? (still laughing) However, when I do get a chance to see or talk with family and friends, they are excellent sounding boards! They are instrumental in helping me stay positive. Sometimes I just need to vent!
"This military spouse life is challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding knowing that I am contributing to something bigger than myself."
8. Recently, you became a part-time Independent Counselor for Rodan + Fields, a popular skincare line. What motivated you to take on this challenge once he deployed? How do you even find time?
Well, I guess I didn't see becoming a consultant as a challenge initially, hence me taking it on at such a busy time in my life. The evolution of my journey changed from me wanting to kick my own butt, and then wanting to high-five myself. Rodan + Fields is such an expansive company with an excellent support group of people around every corner. Joining the R+F team meant a chance for me to be social with adults on a subject that I love talking about, skin! No brainer, right?! (Giggling) Well, my theoretical concept of rocking my new Rodan + Fields business slowly fizzled once the practicality of my new life sunk in. This was the moment I wanted to kick my butt. I'm down a man, literally. All duties are on me; baths, books, bed, tears, sick days, sick nights, dishes, spider kills, dog chores. All these things absorbed nearly every minute of my day. However, the best part about direct sales is that I work when I want (can). It only takes one drop of water after another to fill up a cup. Even though I can't flow at the pace I think would be ideal, I've still managed to build a great base for my business and made some awesome friends with Rodan + Fields. This is where I high-five myself!
9. I’m curious, what’s next? Hot date planned when he gets back?
Hot date times 10! The best part about his return will be getting to know each other again. Who wouldn’t love a second first date with their husband?! A family vacation is definitely on the calendar as well.
10. I admire you, who do you admire?
Kayla Atchley-Waldie
Officer Spouses Group
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